I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
