Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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