do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
