You made me cry and you don't even care
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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