How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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