mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
