If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm too high and old for this...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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