I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
How's work?
Spinning.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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