I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
