nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
