hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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