If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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