Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
