I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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