just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
