I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
