Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
