oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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