I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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