Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
