Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
