it hurts more in the daytime
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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