drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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