I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
