Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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