We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
