i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
