Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
