There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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