My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
