listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
