There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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