i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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