did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
