I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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