i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
