my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
