After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I checked into jail on foursquare
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
