I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
