He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
