The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
