I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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