you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
