That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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