She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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