Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
