really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
