i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
