when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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