Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
