i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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