I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
