Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
