i don't like sucking hair
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Where did you get a picture of my penis
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
