nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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