Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
someone threw a dead crab at me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
40s are totally the cure
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
