he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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